Lost should mean "able to be found". But not always.

We lost Elaine today. She was expecting a child, so the loss was exceptionally difficult for most of us to conceive. Each soul still surviving in these days is a blessing, and a new birth is cherished above all else. To lose any is a devastating truth none of us wishes to accept.

A fever had swept in overnight and put three to bed in hours. Our medical focus was, for obvious reasons, on the children first. Peter suggested we make a separate camp for the weakest members of our group; it was the first "quarantine" since we left our "lives" behind, months ago.

Because two of the children are mine, I was asked to help at the quarantine camp with others. Peter stayed at the main camp to attend the sick, of course. Elaine and child were the only ones lost in the end, helped by Peter's quick thinking to isolate low immune systems from exposure immediately.

The void of Elaine's presence lingers still, almost a fortnight since her passing. Quieter evenings, less laughter, but I witness hints of healing grow in number with each rising sun. And we have grown more aware again of the risk we face with disease, in this new world of without many of the pills we once took for granted to save the day.

At least we have Peter, a former physician's assistant. He has blessed our wandering community with his decent mind for diagnosis, knowledge of many prescriptions and some surgical experience. I do not think so many of us would have survived without him.

He has truly stepped into a leader, a role he seems to only begrudgingly accept. But I believe those who wish it least tend to achieve much. Yet I wonder, do we make him our leader because he is so essential to us as our doctor, or because he is actually the wisest choice to lead. Does one guarantee the other? Are they even related?

Perhaps we put in him our hopes for a future, to survive and one day flourish in this new world we are discovering. For without him, such hopes darken in fear. With him, destiny's chance to manifest can yet again be a dream.

I suppose it is, as anything, a mix of many such reasons. His skill, his demeanor, his strength, and belief that a doctor's purpose is to "fix", that feed our confidence in him. Footsteps I have grown to have faith in following.

And often, as is Peter's way, to create my own directly beside.