heavy beyond weight

"At first there were just a couple of us. Trying to find water, trying to keep moving. The first little town we came across, we searched 'til we found one of those Army stores. Guns, ammo, camping gear, fishing equipment, batteries, lights, emergency rations, canteens, everything we needed in one place. Then we just kept going, finding people here and there along our way. We didn't stick around too long with any, though. We were all better off that way. Too much weight, carrying too many people, no, we needed to stay just a quick few, light & ready.
Most groups we ran into assumed on sight that we were some kind of movie-style militia, hoping to kill, rob, rape & pillage. Thank God television is gone, after all the good THAT's done us." He smiled, adding, "But we just know how to travel," as he looked around, as if to say, 'look at all this, around your camp, all this baggage'.
And yet, he & I both knew the truth. He traveled so lightly because he already carried a heaviness beyond his own weight, deep within himself, with every step he took.

no one word heavy enough

I can't hear your voice any more. I can't remember what it sounded like. Your face is still there, tucked in my memory, but the one photo I saved helps with that. You'd have said "I told ya so" if you were here - after all the years of pictures I took, you calling me "camera crazy", making you smile every time... All those pictures, and only the one remains. But they can see you, as they grow, and never forget you, because of that one. Their daddy, their father, their hero. I miss you constantly. My rock. But you gave your life so that we may live, and I will honor that by not letting any of us die inside, because of all of this. Too much change too fast, can that be called "trauma"? There is no one word heavy enough for what we just survived. Maybe there will be someday, but not yet.